How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jerry, you need to find god
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
