Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
