Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
