Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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