So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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