there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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