don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
