i think i have herpe
just one?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
