I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
