I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
