Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
