3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
