the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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