I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
