so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
