so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize