Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
