True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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