Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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