rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
