forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
