it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
