she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
