Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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