Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
