i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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