i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
