oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
