if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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