dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
