is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
