oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
