we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize