it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
