To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
