I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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