And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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