I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
