Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
