I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
