If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
