I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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