is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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