last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She tied me up with her honor cords...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
