that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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