The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize