dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
