Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize