Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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