i jhust puked up my retainher.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
is it fun? or sober?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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