Girls should come with a carfax report
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your cock deserves a montage
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
