I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
