Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
