the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
