On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
