Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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