I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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