the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
