a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
