Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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