we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
