I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
