Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
