Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
