He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
