i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
