please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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