the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
