Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
