ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
