Please, let me fuck your mom
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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