1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
