the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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